Do the thoughts stop if you don't write them down?
If I stop writing it
will it stop haunting me?
I thought if I stopped writing, the darkness would go away. If I stopped peering so closely into my soul to spill it on a page, then it would cease to exist.
I thought if I stopped looking so closely at the demons inside me, they’d stop terrorizing me. They only got worse.
They paralyzed me with fear. They ran rampant without me there to chase them. They whispered lie after lie in my ears; ‘you’re nothing’ - ‘don’t bother’ - ‘they all secretly despise you’.
Their voices have become so loud, they’re the only thing I hear. They’re so constant that when anyone says anything different or positive about me I almost laugh at the absurdity that there might be something positive someone thinks about me.
I don’t know where to go from here.